The Symbol Can be an S with THREE Lines Through It, Something Really Next Level

By now you’ve probably heard of Martin Shkreli, a hedge fund parasite who decided to take some time off from contributing nothing to the human race to instead actively interfere with it. He bought the rights to a drug used by AIDS patients and infants and overnight increased its price from $13.50 to $750 per pill.

His smugly proud face has been all over social media with people denouncing him despite this being exactly the sort of Capitalism we regularly admire and reward. Dude got paid, what’s your problem? He certainly doesn’t have any problem with it; he’s just making money like you’re supposed to. This isn’t some kind of bastardization of the free market, it is the free market. It’s how it works. You don’t like it, make your own cure for toxoplasmosis, or just buy an existing one, like he did, since “creating” something is for losers.

Here’s what I think we should do. Let’s set up a sort of alternative economy for these guys. We’ll let them battle it out between each other over who has the most Superbucks, Ultradollars, and Paraquatloos while leaving the economy that the rest of us have to actually live with alone. They can figure out how many of their moneys will buy a flying yacht or whatever it is these people spend their vast-yet-insufficient fortunes on and let us go on buying food, houses, and medicine as though they aren’t meaningless items only good for making very wealthy people even more wealthy.

Let’s face it: if you have millions or billions of normal dollars and still aren’t happy, then clearly you need to switch to the better, harder, more luxe economy. An economy built just for ultra-achievers like you. You got a lot of dollars? Big deal, I have dollars, and I’m drinking Stop and Shop brand green tea out of a mug with a 1993 calendar printed on it. But you know what I don’t have? Hypercoins. Not a single one. You financial alchemists aren’t grabbing up 2007 Honda Civics, so why the hell are you also settling for the same kind of money that serfs like me have access to?

Quit paddling around in the kiddy pool, Shkreli. Nobody cares if you bat .750 in little league. Get rid of those too-common dollars and set your sights on Jumbocash. That’s where the real power and prestige is.

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