My Proposal for a Post-Racial America

Recent events have aggravated the constant open would of race in America. They haven’t ripped off the bandages or the scab because neither has ever been really applied. There is a deep racial divide in this country, and its effects reach through every area of society.

In the wake of the Mike Brown and Eric Garner grand jury decisions, we are not only hearing from a black America that is crying against injustices imposed upon it, but also a white America that feels it is not being treated fairly. In an effort to begin a healing process, I’ve come up with a plan that I think addresses the major concerns being expressed.

I’m proposing a trade. From now on, only white people would be allowed to use the n-word. In addition, November would be declared “White History Month”. And one cable channel will be set aside for a White Entertainment Television network. I think these are reasonable provisions.

In return, 98.8% of all Fortune 500 CEOs will now be black, as will 99% of the Senate and 91% of the House of Representatives.

I think this is an equitable trade, as it gives white people what they seem to want most — access to a certain word and specialized history months and television channels — and black people what they want — economic and political power. I’ve actually tilted it a little in favor of whites, since they currently just want equal access to the n-word but I’m proposing they can have it completely. I hope black folks are okay with that.

I’m forwarding this proposal to President Obama, who incidentally will be the first of 43 black presidents we’ll have until we let a white guy again have a turn.

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