Pie in the Skyrim


i herd u believe in ghosts lol

I haven’t talked about the Xbox in a while, but I have been playing it. The game du jour is Skyrim. I’m a noble warrior maiden named Hedruga, who wears heavy armor and smashes around with a two-handed hammer. I don’t use much magic, and only go with archery when it has the possibility of being funny. I’m level 20 at the moment, and no idea how far I am into it.

I’m going to be honest, I’m largely playing out of inertia. The game isn’t doing much of anything for me. I absolutely could not care less about this world and its inhabitants. There’s some kind of war going on that I fall asleep every time someone tells me about it. I’m a “Dragonborn” which means I can learn Dragon shouts and absorb Dragon souls and zzzzzz. I really think I’ve reached my absolute limit on fantasy stuff.

It doesn’t help that it takes place in the Land of Assholes. Everyone is either a jerk or a moron and the developers assume you want to be a jerk as well. Case in point: I got to a town that is corrupt, being run by a crime lord and the Thieves’ Guild. Everyone in the town hates the thieves, and there’s even a person in the town who says she wants to bring them down, but that isn’t an option. There’s no quest to clean up the town. Instead there’s a long (and apparently stupid) quest to join up. Last night I found out that the guy who’s fighting the Evil Empire in this dumb war is hell of racist. So yay, let me mos def choose a side there. The entire game is full of ugly, hopeless bits like that, with little humor or levity to offset it. I just got a quest to go murder an old woman because she’s a bad orphanage-runner.

Not giving a damn about the world or its inhabitants, I’m a tourist, just wandering around discovering places. But there’s only so much of that that’s interesting, since what you discover is yet another spider cave, bandit camp, or skeleton tomb.

(Now here’s one bit of humor I found. I went to a town and this guy tells me not to go into the barrow nearby, as it’s haunted. Of course, I go, and it turns out there’s this other dude who’s been pretending to be a g-g-g-ghost to scare away people from a treasure he thinks is down there. He laughs at the townsfolk for being superstitious, and when I put an end to this (with my hammer) the original guy feels dumb for falling for the ruse. But this is a world where there are alive skeletons and necromancers and zombies and other creepy stuff. They thought the barrow had spooks in it because THAT IS WHERE SPOOKS ACTUALLY LIVE. I go there looking for them! Assuming ANY barrow has spooks in it is perfectly rational behavior!)

I have more money than god and very few critters I’ve encountered give me a hard time, but that could be because I haven’t progressed the main story too far. Giants can kill me by looking at me crosseyed, but then again they leave you alone if you leave them alone, so giants are cool by me. As I say, I haven’t done anything with magic or stealth. I’ve done a little bit of alchemy just for something to do and I’ve enchanted a couple things, but nothing major.

Bethesda Studios did Skyrim and it looks a lot like Fallout 3 in many ways, but all that does is make me wish I was playing Fallout 3 instead. In that game, exploring turned up cool places and bits of story. Here it’s just more of the same.

I feel like bagging it in favor of something else, but I don’t know what that would be, other than Fallout or Borderlands, the only games I seem to enjoy. On the other hand, the only food item my character carries around is an apple pie she’s saving for when she finishes the game. If I don’t finish, I deny Hedruga her victory pie, and I don’t want to be the person who does that.

This entry was posted in Videogames and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.