If You Cried When Deckard Cain Died, I Don’t Want to Know About It

I got Diablo 3 for the Xbox and Becky and I have been playing almost non-stop. You might recall that I was kind of disappointed in Diablo 3 when I played it on the PC. Well, I am here to tell you that it rocks as a console game. The design, which was already streamlined from the Diablo 2 days, has been further enhanced, and with the Xbox controller you can pull off all kinds of crazy abilities and special attacks with ease. Becky, as quartz the Demon Hunter, has this thing where she spins around like a top, throwing crossbow bolts every which way. And my Monk, Snoop, has a deal where he can pull guys to him and give them a whack, and then use a different attack to kick them all away. This irritates my foes because I can’t make up my mind if I want them near or far.

We are paying zero attention to the plot. I explain the gist of what’s happening based on my memories of the PC version, but basically we just go where they tell us and kill whatever’s there. Someday I’m going to go to Tumblr or something and discover that there are people who really care about the backstory of the Diablo games and aren’t given a paycheck by Blizzard, but I’m putting that day off since I will die a little.

One thing that hasn’t been developed further is the idiotic loot. While they do seem to get you to the good stuff faster, there’s still an inexplicable amount of junk to deal with. I mean literal junk, a sword that does a fraction of the damage you’re doing now, that will sell for four gold. I really do not understand the thinking here. It’s ridiculously below your skill level, it’s not worth using, and it’s not worth selling. Yet you have to periodically clean this crap out of your inventory. It is the functional equivalent of if they decided to implement real-time pooping into the game.

Neither one of us has soloed the game yet and honestly, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. It was bought specifically for us to play together, and if I’m going to do this sort of thing solo, I’ll play Borderlands 2 again, which is much more fun and interesting. It has, however, cut into my Xbox time so that I haven’t been playing much of anything else solo, either.

As a co-op play experience, it’s fun, and we’re really enjoying it. As a game, though, it still disappoints me that such a long-awaited title wasted some nice polish to just trod the exact same ground as before, as a million other games. Believe me, I like Diablo 2 and have had a bunch of fun playing it. I didn’t want something that was 100% different, I wanted another Diablo game. But I feel like I got the exact same Diablo game.

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