Han the Cold-Blooded Killer

[Note: Kurt showed me this here.]

Top 10 Other Things that Han Shot that Didn’t Shoot at Him First

Got this in an email that is making it way around the net. Enjoy.

10. A poor, defenseless Mynock. This flappy critter couldn’t even operate a gun, much less shoot at Han.

9. The Space Slug. Just moments after the cold-blooded Mynock shooting, we see Han shoot the insides of a space creature kind enough to have an atmosphere and gravity in its stomach.

8. A stormtrooper. Given slightly lower test scores, this guy could have been a bounty hunter.

7. The garbage compactor door. Even Leia thought this was excessive.

6. The intercom at the Detention Block. Think of all the calls home Imperial troops had made from that comm unit. “Hi Mom. We blew up Alderaan today. Give love to Pop.”

5. An officer on the Death Star. Hey, that could have been a Bothan spy. They’re masters of disguise, you know.

4. Imperial probe droid. Before he left the base, Han listened to the garble it was transmitting and said, “It isn’t friendly whatever it is.” If you don’t know what it is, how can you tell it is bad? There might have been space kittens in there.

3. Vader’s wingman. The guy was given a direct order not to fire. He was just around for moral support.

2. The Sarlaac tentacle. It was only trying to eat Lando– heck, didn’t Chewie want to do that at the end of Empire?

1. His poor, dying Tauntaun. Perhaps in the special edition, Lucas should have animated the tauntaun going nuts and in the throes of death, clawing out one on Han’s eyes or grabbing his blaster and squeezing off a few shots– making it justifiable to spill its smelly macaroni guts in the snow.

(Note: Han cut the Tauntaun open with Luke’s lightsaber, so I’m not sure that one counts. But the Tauntaun didn’t lunge at him with the lightsaber first … so I guess it’s still in the spirit of things.)

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