Humiliation Costs $2.5 Million, Whining is Free!

Blair Hornstine is an unhappy person:

Blair Hornstine’s latest report card had four A-plus grades in five courses. She scored a 1570 out of 1600 on the SAT and is deciding whether to attend Harvard, Stanford, Duke, Princeton or Cornell — all of which have accepted her.

But despite her best-in-her-class grades, her school district wants to name her co-valedictorian with two other students.

Hornstine, the 18-year-old daughter of a state Superior Court judge, has asked a federal judge to intervene, saying that being forced to share with students with lesser grades would detract from what she has accomplished.

She has also filed a notice saying she plans to sue the school district in state court claiming the dispute has humiliated her. She said she would be asking for $200,000 in compensatory damages and $2.5 million in punitive damages.

Yep, she’s part of that special group of people for whom It’s Never Enough. No matter what you’ve got, no matter how much it is, it’s not enough. What good is valedictorianship if she has to share the stage? How will she be able to face her peers at the Ivy League school of her choice, knowing that all of them got to stand on the stage by themselves? It’s more shame than any one person should have to bear, really!

Fortunately, the perpetrators of this outrage will be punished. Those villains will learn that Ms. Hornstine is not a person to be humiliated! She wants them to pony up over $2.5 million in damages to her pristine reputation.

Well I passed the hat here at legomancer.net and came up with about 58 cents. It’s not two million bucks, but maybe it’s enough to buy me a little time to humiliate this whiny kid. Ms. Hornstine, whether or not you were humiliated at graduation is now a moot point, because now you’re the spoiled brat who whined about having to share the stage. Good thing you’re going to be a lawyer, because you’re apparently going to be spending a lot of time suing people who humiliate you. It’s laughable not just that you think having to share your achievement with others damages your reputation, but that that reputation is worth so much money. Har Har Har. Maybe you should read this book. Look out, Harvard, Stanford, Duke, Princeton or Cornell, you’re about to play host to Miss Crabbypants. She’s going to demand that anyone not as qualified as her be dropped from the school rolls, as they diminish her diploma from your institution. She’s already working on an alternative word for “woman” to distinguish herself from people not as pretty as she is, and I heard that —

Crap, used up my 58 cents. Ah well. I didn’t even get to mention how funny it was that her name is the same as the rich snob on “The Facts of Life”. I guess it’s for the best that I was unable to find a picture of a clown wearing a mortarboard to illustrate this story.

Edit – Anna has her own take on this story, which you can read here!

UPDATE!

Hooray! Whining and money wins again! Blair won! These things make me so proud to be an American! Though it seems like some people don’t recognize a true hero when they see one.

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