This Used to Be the Future: Honeymoon in Space

Welcome to the exciting world of The Future! I’m your host, Dave Lartigue, and each Wednesday I’ll be taking you on an exciting and educational journey into the time to come! Sit back, pull up a cosmo chair, pour a space drink, and enjoy!

It’s the 25th century, and newlyweds Ann and Lary Barnett are the prize-winning couple on…

For some reason Ann isn’t completely pleased with having their honeymoon broadcast on television, but Lary reassures her that this was the only way he could give her the fantastic trip she deserves. And with that…

…they pretty much abandon the whole honeymoon thing. Ann unpacks their fancy space luggage (a prize from the show) and discovers Lary has a ray-blaster in his suitcase, which he’s pretty close-lipped about. What is he hiding from Ann?

Later, at dinner, the Empress of Mars begins orbiting Saturn’s moon, Hyperion. The Captain explains that they can’t land on the moon because everything on it is highly inflammable. The Hyperions use chemical craft to fly around, since flames are verboten. As one of the chemical ships approaches, Ann notices Lary has vanished. Heading back to their cabin, she finds their luggage has been rifled through.

(I looked up this usage of the word “bulger”, and neither Wikipedia nor had ever heard of it. Next I tried Urban Dictionary. Looks like Anna’s impressed with the size of Lary’s package!)

Ann does what any woman would do…grabs an extra “bulger” and heads out after him. Lary sends her back to the ship and makes her promise not to follow him. “Why don’t you take the next few pages off?” he says. “You’ve had a busy day.” And then he heads back out the airlock for the Hyperion spacecraft.

The little ship has a head-start on him, but that’s okay. He pushes himself away from the Empress and lets the fact that space is frictionless carry him in a free-fall towards the moon. Assuming he survives atmospheric re-entry, he’ll almost certainly land within a few feet of where the powered vehicle is heading.

Naturally this is exactly what happens, and he tracks the passengers to a nearby building. He attempts to sneak in, but is ambushed immediately!

Fortunately the Hyperion police arrive and save Lary. They received the earthman’s “radio-flash” and headed over and now want to know if it’s true that these criminals represent a threat to the Hyperion government. Since this may be a ticking-bomb Jack Bauer scenario, they waste no time with rights or warrants.

The cops haul the conspirators away and Lary eventually heads back to the Empress with the contraband lighters, where he is reunited with Ann. Remember her?

He finally reveals to her that he’s an undercover Space Treasury agent, and was on board to investigate the connection between the “Honeymoon in Space” show and the lighter smugglers. And now he’s realized that the couples were used as innocent dupes…

This certainly is an exciting plot they decided to summarize for us instead of, I don’t know, writing and drawing.

Back on Earth, the Treasury Department is so pleased with Lary’s work that they offer him and his new wife a month’s vacation at the space-resort of their choice! Ann suggests they go back to Hyperion, which they could take over in a second with only crème brulée torch and Lary is forced to shoot her.

“Honeymoon in Space”
Mystery in Space #16 (DC Comics, October-November 1953)
Writer: John Broome
Penciler: Murphy Anderson
Inker: Murphy Anderson
Editor: Julius Schwartz

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One Response to This Used to Be the Future: Honeymoon in Space

  1. ganymeder says:

    That was freakin’ hilarious!