The Jury is Out

Today I was called by the Commonwealth for Jury Duty! Long-time readers know that I am not one of these people who seeks to shirk my civic duty in this arena, and frankly, I’m not sure why other people do. How often do you get to do something like this? Maybe it’s just more interesting to me since I don’t watch lawyer shows on TV every week.

Anyway, I was the ominously titled Juror 13, ominous not only because of that number but because long-term readers may also remember this as the title of one of the most godawful worst comics I ever read.

There was a trial involving an alleged assault by one woman against an allegedly pregnant second woman. (I wasn’t sure why she was considered only allegedly pregnant, but that’s what the judge said.) They got eight jurors in the box and I thought I was going to not make it, but then some got dismissed. Sure enough, after a few dismissals, I was in the box!

Soon, though, I was called to the stand. I had said on my questionnaire that I was friends with some members of the Springfield po-po, and the Judge wanted to know if this meant I might consider a cop’s testimony more valid than a civilian’s. “Heck no,” I replied, and then explained that my pals are Dan and his family. “If anything, they’ve made me realize just how thin that Thin Blue Line is!” They let me sit back down.

However, they suddenly said, “Juror 13, you may step down.” Gasp! I was being rejected! I don’t know whether the prosecution or defense rejected me, or why, but I suspect that the prosecuting attorney, who was a real cutie, feared that her savage attraction to me would distract her from doing her job.

So I was dismissed, came back to work, and will never know if that woman was really pregnant or just faking it or whatever.

As an aside, the woman sitting behind me in the jury room was playing some quiz game on her cell phone and had no idea who Margaret Thatcher was. Neither did the person sitting next to her, and they then talked about how difficult the questions on that “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” show are. Next time you’re hoping to get out of jury duty, imagine yourself as the accused and that person deciding your fate. Fortunately, she was also dismissed.

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6 Responses to The Jury is Out

  1. Rob Barrett says:

    Oh gods–you had to remind me about Juror 13. I think that’s still floating around my house somewhere–thanks so much for sending it to me.

  2. pronoblem says:

    Unlike you, I am not a big fan of this. Last time I was called to the stand I was asked if there was any reason why I should not be on this jury I said “hell no… I know a guilty person when I see one.” I was rejected.

  3. Dave says:

    Ha! I forgot who I sent that to, Rob. I think you won a prize! Wasn’t it awesome? It’s totally the next Watchmen.

  4. Dave says:

    That’s cause you hate society more than the Unabomber, pronoblem. You’re a bad egg.

  5. Dan says:

    “needlessly cracking on Dan”?

    Cracking? Have we been magically transported back to 1985?

    You were almost the rural juror!

  6. I’ve always actually wanted to do jury duty; I find the process fascinating. The experiences of people I know who have served are almost always interesting, and some of my friends are lawyers/DAs, so always interested. Not sure if the blindie thing is a factor, as most people hear legally blind and make the poor assumption I see nothing and would not be able to process evidence. Never been called. Ruthie got called twice – both times when she was exactly 8.5 months pregnant with each of our 2 kids, and was let go rather quickly.