If you’ve been anywhere near a comics geek in the past year or so, I’m sure you’ve heard about the upcoming Watchmen movie, followed by the sound of pants being wet. This is the long-awaited film version of the groundbreaking comic book, necessary because otherwise the story would simply languish as a comic and never find life in a visual medium.

In its new form as a big-budget movie, Watchmen will enjoy a level of success that was unavailable to it before: namely, a bunch of unnecessary and stupid tie-in crap. No doubt McDonalds will be serving Happy Meals in “Gunga Diner” boxes and Domino’s Pizza will have the Comedian Special, a pizza in which the distribution of pepperoni suggests…well, you know.

And of course, a videogame! Now, for those of you who have read the comic, think of what you might expect to see in such a game. Would it be one of those action games that takes you through the story scene by scene? An immersive mystery such as Bioshock? Or would it be something like this:

Well, you’re wrong, because it’s a fighting game!

Watchmen fans will of course be the first to tell you that the most important part of the story — in fact, the essential element that captures it best — is the punching and scissors-kicking of various nameless criminals. After all, Alan Moore’s dense plot concerns a group of heroes fighting their way through wave after wave of thugs, ninjas, and robots to get to Moloch before he launches his Crime Missile. Small wonder it totally changed the landscape on superhero comics!

So even though Alan Moore may be spinning in his beard

you can relax. Because it’s not as bad as it could have been.

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  1. David Thiel says:

    Jesus, Dave, like Alan Moore isn’t scary enough without his face rotating independently of his head.

  2. Crowded House says:

    I like to think that he always had that ability, and he just chose not to reveal it until now.

    I’m far more anxious for the video game that tells what happened after the comic ended. The daughter of Nite Owl and Silk Spectre teams up with the ghosts of Rorschach and the Comedian to overthrow the tyrannical reign of Ozymandias. With a shocking revelation about what really happened to Hooded Justice!

    The working title is Watchmen 2: The Trials of the Nite Spectre, and it’s said to be an RPG-inspired beat-em-up with action-adventure elements. It sounds great, just what Alan Moore would have wanted!