As a Candidate for the President of Best of All Possible Worlds…

You know why we can’t ever get anything accomplished in this idiot country? Because we can’t ever admit there’s a problem. If a car carrying presidential candidates ever got a flat tire, they would all be expected to stand around praising the other three tires for not going flat, and if anyone mentioned the flat one he’d be expected to immediately apologize and be ashamed for insulting it and the fine Americans who made it.

The latest intellectual insult in the moron parade that passes for a presidential election is Obama being chastised for his remarks that folks in blue-collar towns are bitter.

In remarks first reported on the Huffington Post Web site, Obama said, “You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them.

“And they fell through the Clinton administration and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are going to regenerate and they have not,” he went on. “And it’s not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

Instead of anyone actually addressing whether or not Obama’s remarks might be — I don’t know, true? — we have to all feign shock and outrage that he would dare to deride true Americans like that. Never mind that these people ARE bitter, or at least should be. Never mind that neither party HAS done anything for them. To suggest that they’re anything but cheery and optimistic is a slap in the face to America. It shows Obama as ELITIST, which is always an amusing tag coming from the wealthy white males who are usually pasting someone with it.

Our process for selecting a leader of America, the most important job in one of the most important countries in the world consists largely of letting them talk about whatever they want to and then sifting through the words to see if there’s something in them we can play gotcha! with. No matter how trivial the perceived insult is, we’ll hold it up, shriek our concern, and then await the candidate’s apology. Whoever delivers the best apologies gets the most points.

At first Obama seemed like he was going to not play along, but sadly, he’s succumbed.

“I didn’t say it as well as I should have,” Obama admitted in Muncie, Indiana, on Saturday, the day after he first defended his comments, “because the truth is that these traditions that are passed on from generation to generation — those are important.”

Most Americans not only have no idea where any of the candidates stand on any particular issue, they have no idea what the potential issues they should be looking at are. Not that most of them would give a damn anyway. The fact that our major newspapers are covering this “gaffe” in such detail is appalling. That this is what counts as political coverage, as information important to selecting our leader. It’s worse even than American Idol foolishness, because at least there the contestants are actually expected to demonstrate they can sing.

I don’t know how campaigns work in other countries, but until Americans get their heads out of their asses and realize that this is no way to choose the President, we’re going to continue to get the same clowns and morons we’ve been getting. It’s not going to happen soon, though. Come November, we’re going to get exactly the President this country of proud idiots deserves.

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5 Responses to As a Candidate for the President of Best of All Possible Worlds…

  1. Hi Dave,
    Sometime reader, first time commentator, I linked to you on my blog a while ago. Anyway, you hit the nail on the head; you try to address any real problems in America and people don’t want to hear it. I’d like to blame it all on the “right wing spin machine”, and they do deserve plenty of the credit, but a lot of it is just Joe Average. I grew up mainly in a rural working class setting, and people are always bitching about how broke they are and how much they hate their bosses and politicians, and then they go and vote for the politicians who give their boss every break possible and enthusiastically help their bosses screw them, while they wave the goddam flag. Neither of these were candidates I loved, but if you look back at Tsongas and Dukakis, what I think hurt both of them (besides being Greek) was that neither was playing smiley face politics. Both were somewhat pragmatic and willing to say hey, shit ain’t great right now. People don’t want to hear that. Your analogy in the first paragraph is so spot on that it’s depressing. Obama, while I don’t want to idealize him, is one of the only candidates who has a halfway realistic view of anything, and it depresses me that he has to fight both the right wing mafia and a rear guard battle against a DINO like Hilary. Anyway, always enjoy your take on things.

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  3. BillJ says:

    I don’t think people are getting upset over Obama saying that rural folks are bitter. I think the issue is the “they cling to guns or religion”. People are inferring that meant that if they got jobs they’d throw away their guns and become atheists. While personally I think this is likely true it’s understandable that people who consider guns and religion important parts of their lives don’t like to be told that they’re just serving as security blankets.

  4. Andrew Weiss says:

    Nice work, Dave.

    I considered addressing the subject myself, but I was too busy recovering from the aneurism caused by trying to parse Hillary Clinton’s presumption of labeling anyone elitist.

  5. Ken Lowery says:

    Root causes and context are boring as shit, Dave. Why engage ourselves in complex topics that require thought and research? Let’s stick to the stuff that’s easy to have an opinion about.