3:22 PM

I am happily sorting Legos in a plastic bin when suddenly I pull out a grey brick. Except…it’s not a Lego.

It’s a MEGA BLOK!

3:24 PM

After an initial bout of panic, I start to regain control. I am outraged. How did this happen? Whence this interloper? Nobody is going to leave the building until I have some answers, dammit.

3:25 PM

With no time to waste, I quickly scrub my hands and carefully remove the offending so-called brick.

3:26 PM

It is placed in confinement until I can ascertain the level of contamination in my other Legos.

3:29 PM

Before I can investigate the cause of the security breach, I must attend to the site of the infection and make sure it hasn’t spread.

3:32 PM

A SECOND Megablok is discovered. Confound it! This is why we need Rudy Guiliani!

3:47 PM

My phone calls to officials are fruitless. Neither Homeland Security nor FEMA feels that my situation warrants their attention…the fools. One operator has the audacity to ask, “Well, what’s the difference?”

“Pray my Danish masters don’t hear you say that, ” I seethe. “They are not as forgiving as I am.”

“Aren’t they compatible with Legos?” she continues.

“Oh, sure, ” I say. “JUST LIKE CYLONS ARE COMPATIBLE WITH HUMANS!” She’s not a Battlestar Galactica fan and I don’t have time to think up a CSI analogue. I hang up.

He hates your freedom.

3:55 PM

No more Megabloks have been found. The Legos seem to have survived the intrusion. Thankfully the invaders were discovered before they were included in a model. The thought of my Legos interlocking with — no, it’s too horrible to imagine!

I tell myself it never would have happened, that I would have detected them before building with them, but the fact that they even got into the sorting bin fills me with doubt. I have to take responsibility; this happened on my watch. Granted, it was only two pieces, but I shudder at what might have been.

4:02 PM

I believe I have sussed out the origin of these devil-bricks. A few months ago, out on our morning walk, I discovered some Legos on the sidewalk and pocketed them. That’s the only way I can think of that two Mega Bloks could have violated my sorting bin.

It’s an explanation, but not an excuse. Good grief, Dave, picking up random building blocks on the street and just casually throwing them in the box, unexamined? It’s like you WANTED this to happen!

4:08 PM

Beating up on myself isn’t solving anything. I was sloppy, it’s true, but let’s be honest; I caught them just in time. They didn’t even get into the gray bin. I move the would-be dopplegangers into a container that no one would be foolish enough to open.

The danger is over. The threat level is lowered, but my guard is not. I am ever vigilant, ever determined to not allow this to happen again.

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