FRED and HELEN enter stage. On stage is a refrigerator. FRED opens the refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of milk.

FRED: Woohoo! Milk! I’m going to drink this!

HELEN: I think that milk has been in there for ages. It’s certainly spoiled.

FRED: Why do you hate all milk?

HELEN: I don’t. I just think that milk probably isn’t good. It’s been behind that block of cheese for month, and that cheese is all moldy. There’s no way it can still be good.

FRED: Well it looks okay to me. Look, it’s got blue on its label. I like the color blue. Remember that blue car I had? That was a great car.

HELEN: The expiration date is for five months ago! Look!

FRED: I don’t want to look at that. It might ruin the surprise of the milk!

HELEN: We’ve had this conversation before. Remember that bad ham you ate?

FRED: That ham wasn’t THAT bad. Considering it was green and fuzzy, I didn’t get nearly as sick from eating it as I thought I would.

SAM (offstage): Hey, if you’re in the fridge, don’t drink the milk! I took a sip of it and it’s awful!

HELEN: There you go.

FRED: That doesn’t tell me anything. What if Sam and I have different tastes in milk? I’ll just have to find out for myself.

(FRED opens jug, takes big swig of milk. He makes a horrible face, then spews it out all over the place.)

FRED: DEAR GOD THAT WAS HORRIBLE! WHY DIDN’T ANYONE WARN ME!

HELEN: Whatever. (walks offstage.)

FRED: I gotta get this awful taste out of my mouth. (opens fridge) Ooh! Cheese!

(Curtain)

THE END

This play will be performed every Friday evening for the conceivable future.