The marketing Sufis at Frito-Lay decided that they would build interest in Doritos by keeping the newest flavor secret. It’s referred to on the bag as X-13D* and there’s a hint on the bag that says, “All-American Classic”.
Thanks to the Internet it’s impossible to keep a secret for long, so it’s already been revealed that the mystery flavor is actually “Somewhat Hamburger Flavored Horror”. I assume the first and last words there weren’t intended, but the “hamburger” flavor consists largely of mustard and pickle, which I would bet are two hamburger ingredients most commonly asked to be left off the hamburger. I verified this flavor myself last week when I brought a bag over to the James’ gang for gaming. This bunch, in which certain members (including myself) will eat any chips, pretty much passed on these and I ended up bringing half the bag home.
Doritos have been crazy with new flavors recently, and they’re getting much further and further from what one might imagine are a corn chip with some kind of dip (Nacho Cheese, Cool Ranch). I know because I enjoy Jelly Belly jellybeans that you can now make anything taste like anything, but honestly, I really don’t need corn chips that taste like venison or grape or sushi or whatever.
I’ll tell you what flavor I do want, though. When I was a kid they used to make Taco-flavored Doritos and man, they were awesome. At some point, though, they switched the flavor and re-branded it “Taco Bell” or whatever and then it was no longer anywhere close to awesome. Then they disappeared altogether (though I think they are still available — in non-awesome format — in limited locations.) When we first moved here I discovered that an off-brand, Utz, had a “taco” flavored chip that was JUST LIKE those Doritos, but alas, I bought a grand total of two bags before they vanished into the aether.
When I was looking for an image of an old Taco Doritos bag for this post I came across this interesting Wikipedia entry!
Taco Doritos were a type of chip made by Frito-Lay several decades ago. Some consumers consider Taco Doritos to be the most delicious chip ever created. Unfortunately, the original Taco Dorito chip was discontinued somewhere between the late 1980’s and early 1990’s and were replaced by an inferior, somewhat flavorless chip that is still marketed under the same name. While the original Taco Dorito had an intense, zesty taco taste, one remarkable thing about the chip was that it had no sour cream or cheese taste unlike the replacement chip. People who enjoyed the chip in 1970’s have been outraged by the disappearance of the original taco dorito, and many have phoned the Frito-Lay company begging to have the chips brought back. Much to our dissatisfaction, Frito-Lay has no plans to ever bring back the chip; one rumor states that the seasoning used in the original Taco Doritos often “gummed up” the factory machines and is one reason for the recipe’s alteration.
I’m not alone! Others also recognize the Glory That Was! Unfortunately, I guess Frito-Lay cares more about its beloved non-gummed-up machines than it does about its begging, pleading customers. Well I will not have nasty-ass pseudo-hamburger chips gumming up my works, Frito-Lay! Gimme some damn original Taco Doritos and keep your weirdo flavors to yourself.
* — As opposed to X-23, which tastes like Wolverine.