A Chip on My Shoulder

The marketing Sufis at Frito-Lay decided that they would build interest in Doritos by keeping the newest flavor secret. It’s referred to on the bag as X-13D* and there’s a hint on the bag that says, “All-American Classic”.

Thanks to the Internet it’s impossible to keep a secret for long, so it’s already been revealed that the mystery flavor is actually “Somewhat Hamburger Flavored Horror”. I assume the first and last words there weren’t intended, but the “hamburger” flavor consists largely of mustard and pickle, which I would bet are two hamburger ingredients most commonly asked to be left off the hamburger. I verified this flavor myself last week when I brought a bag over to the James’ gang for gaming. This bunch, in which certain members (including myself) will eat any chips, pretty much passed on these and I ended up bringing half the bag home.

Doritos have been crazy with new flavors recently, and they’re getting much further and further from what one might imagine are a corn chip with some kind of dip (Nacho Cheese, Cool Ranch). I know because I enjoy Jelly Belly jellybeans that you can now make anything taste like anything, but honestly, I really don’t need corn chips that taste like venison or grape or sushi or whatever.

I’ll tell you what flavor I do want, though. When I was a kid they used to make Taco-flavored Doritos and man, they were awesome. At some point, though, they switched the flavor and re-branded it “Taco Bell” or whatever and then it was no longer anywhere close to awesome. Then they disappeared altogether (though I think they are still available — in non-awesome format — in limited locations.) When we first moved here I discovered that an off-brand, Utz, had a “taco” flavored chip that was JUST LIKE those Doritos, but alas, I bought a grand total of two bags before they vanished into the aether.

When I was looking for an image of an old Taco Doritos bag for this post I came across this interesting Wikipedia entry!

Taco Doritos were a type of chip made by Frito-Lay several decades ago. Some consumers consider Taco Doritos to be the most delicious chip ever created. Unfortunately, the original Taco Dorito chip was discontinued somewhere between the late 1980’s and early 1990’s and were replaced by an inferior, somewhat flavorless chip that is still marketed under the same name. While the original Taco Dorito had an intense, zesty taco taste, one remarkable thing about the chip was that it had no sour cream or cheese taste unlike the replacement chip. People who enjoyed the chip in 1970’s have been outraged by the disappearance of the original taco dorito, and many have phoned the Frito-Lay company begging to have the chips brought back. Much to our dissatisfaction, Frito-Lay has no plans to ever bring back the chip; one rumor states that the seasoning used in the original Taco Doritos often “gummed up” the factory machines and is one reason for the recipe’s alteration.

I’m not alone! Others also recognize the Glory That Was! Unfortunately, I guess Frito-Lay cares more about its beloved non-gummed-up machines than it does about its begging, pleading customers. Well I will not have nasty-ass pseudo-hamburger chips gumming up my works, Frito-Lay! Gimme some damn original Taco Doritos and keep your weirdo flavors to yourself.

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* — As opposed to X-23, which tastes like Wolverine.

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10 Responses to A Chip on My Shoulder

  1. Kurt says:

    Taco Doritos were the bomb. And ‘hamburger’ chips just sound . . . wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Wrong on so many levels. Like you, I’m a fan of ‘chips’ in general and will eat most any flavour. I actually like their new Buffalo chip. But nothing compares to the first Taco flavoured ones they had.

  2. rachel says:

    yes, they are so very wrong, and yet I ended up eating about 10-12 last Sunday. It was kind of like licking a 9 volt battery; yucky, but for some strange reason you want to do it again.

  3. I feel your pain. When I was young and Doritos first came out, I loved the original Taco Doritos, and thought the Nacho Doritos a bit goofy. Well, there decent, but Ranchcrappity and the other chemical flavors don’t do it for me. Bring back the Taco I say. I did dicover my new favorite snack recently though, even better than the Taco ones – Buffalo-flavored Pretzel Crisps (flattened pretzels only available at Costcos currently).

  4. blasterhappy says:

    It’s funny you mention the Taco Doritos. I was just at a small hole in the wall mexican resturant last week where they made there own chips to go with the salsa. The chips had a seasoning on them that reminded me of the Taco Doritos. That is the closest I’ve come to them since we were kids.

  5. pronoblem says:

    They were bad, but not as bad as Clamato chips.

    http://possumblog.mu.nu/images/clamato%20chips.jpg

  6. Pingback: Dave Ex Machina - A Thousand Points of Articulation » Hello, Mr. Chips!

  7. Pete says:

    hey – I collect old food packaging – I dont have any doritos bags – but am trying to get examples of all the wacky foods from the 60s-80s – drop me a line if you find anything
    mankatt@aol.com

  8. Debb says:

    I have been one of those ‘wackos’ calling Frito Lay for the last 20+ years asking for them to bring back the ‘original’ taco dorito. I had not called for a few years but MUCH to my surprise when I phoned the company today, I was told that they just released the ‘original’ taco dorito within the last couple of weeks. I was told they released this one and another dorito from the 70’s on a promotional basis to see how well they did on the market. My instant comment was ‘you’re $hitting me!”. The customer service rep laughed and said she was serious. I questioned her and verified that this was the original taco from the 70s that did not have sour cream and she assured me that it was the same chip. I further questioned her (like perhaps I was dreaming) as to why the flavor wasn’t showing on their webiste and she stated that it was because it was promotional and for a very limited time. I asked her where I could find them and she stated that Target, Wal-Mart, and Sams Clubs should have them. She said the packaging is the same as the 70’s and it states ‘original’ taco on the bag. So far, I have struck out on finding them. Anyone else have any luck?

  9. Brad Regan says:

    I’m not sure you are still following this thread. I also remember the the original Taco Doritos. In my youth when calories seemed to disappear in my body in some strange energy anomaly, I’d eat an entire large bag in a sitting. I never got tired of them. Well, we just found them in Kmart here in Northern Ohio. They are in a sort of weird sliver and black back with the Taco looking like it is scratched into the bag. These are not the “new” Taco or Taco Bell flavor that had the sort of cheesy thing going on but the good, old-fashioned Taco Doritos of my youth which have more of a chili powder taste. Hope you are able to find them too! I’m going to buy a case I think…

  10. Pingback: Dave Ex Machina - A Thousand Points of Articulation » They’re Back By Popular Demand