Stay a While, and Listen!

When it comes to computer games, I’m a cheapskate. My computer isn’t in any shape to play anything that’s less than two years old, and I don’t have the cash or desire to make it so. There was a time when I was willing to do some kind of upgrade every few months to play the new hotness, but those days are long past. But I do like killing time on the computer, so what’s my game of choice?

Diablo II!

It’s seven years old, it has almost zero depth, and isn’t much more than a frantic clickfest, but it’s the game I return to time after time. I can start up and just tool around for a half hour or so, or I can blow an entire evening on it.

I play online, though not with anyone else. I don’t know why I do this.

My latest character is a Druid, a character type I haven’t played before. My original druid was named Buggleboo, but after I sunk a bunch of points into summoning plants I noticed that the available plants to summon kind of suck. So I started with a new Druid named Uvula. Uvula is designed to do two things: summon a wolf and turn into a wolf.

Here he is hanging with his wolf and his girlfriend, Aliza.

She is not really his girlfriend, she is just his friend who happens to be a girl, ok? He says she’s not really his type but actually he’s just very shy and awkward when they’re not killing stuff together. I haven’t talked to her much so I don’t know how she feels.

Here’s a close-up:

That hand is your cursor in the game. Uvula is gonna go pick up that pile of PHAT L3WT at the bottom by the dead zombie. That zombie won’t be needing that gold anymore, assuming he ever did. YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU, ZOMBIE.

Speaking of zombies, here’s Uvula in his wolf form getting ready to go claw one up.

He doesn’t even care about the little goblin guy next to him because he knows Aliza’s got his back. I don’t know where the wolf is at that point. Probably mangling some guy just off-screen. When Uvula is in wolf form he can talk to the wolf, but did you know he can also talk to him when he is in people form? That is what they teach you at Druid A&M. I’ve asked Uvula what the wolf has to say but he says he respects the wolf’s privacy.


1) What years-old game do you still like to play?

2) Why do you think the zombie was carrying gold? What do you suppose he was thinking about buying?

3) If you could ask a wolf any question and have it reply, what would you ask?

This entry was posted in Videogames and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Stay a While, and Listen!

  1. Kevin Church says:

    1) What years-old game do you still like to play?

    Starcraft and Half-Life

    2) Why do you think the zombie was carrying gold? What do you suppose he was thinking about buying?

    He was going to buy some brains from a brain merchant.

    3) If you could ask a wolf any question and have it reply, what would you ask?

    “Will you hump Dick Cheney’s leg for me?”

  2. jerm says:

    In response to your request for feedback related to your post, and my reading of said post, I have to say that I am uncertain. I have also not kept my machine or peripherals up to date. When I need to while some time away on the computer, I just boot it up. A few hours later, I’m able to enjoy some good ole NOTEPAD.EXE, or if I’m really trying to burn up a weekend, I make sure the wife isn’t looking before whipping out CALC.EXE. Man. Makes me tingle just thinking about it. I do sometimes think about upgrading. I hear there are some awesome new games out for computers. Zork. Excel. Adobe. Stuff like that. But I am pretty happy with my machine as well.

    I would go on to answer your other questions, but I cannot refresh the screen to see what they were, because my computer has a word limit of 256 characters, and I fear that I may be approaching the limit, so before I sign off, let me leave you with this advice. Be sure to always

  3. Lanf says:

    1. Lately it’s been Mike Tyson’s Punchout! (NES) via emulator. But more often than not, the old game that gets the most replays is Resident Evil 2 (also via emulation.)

    2. Duh. To pay the necromancer.

    3. “Are you housebroken?”

  4. 1. Culdcept for the PS2 (granted, only 3 yrs old, but replayed many times), and my fave, Rinal Fantasy Tactics for the PS1.

    2. To buy skeleton keys and some hooch.

    3. Do you know where my village’s sword is? (insode joke to Dave)

  5. Oops, forgot about Impossible Mission for the C64….

  6. David Thiel says:

    1. I recently bought a new cell phone, and I always treat myself to a game download. My previous phone had Burgertime, but for this one I opted for Centipede.

    2. A good pair of running shoes. Zombies don’t have to slowly shuffle along, you know.

    3. “Do I look fat in these?”

  7. St. Petersburg and Colossus. Tip of the hat to Final Fantasy Tactics! I also like the online game Kingdom of Loathing, which is new-school, yet feels quite old-school.

    Woof woof woof bark?

  8. Topher says:

    1. Katamrai and Age of Empires series. I’m a KoL fan too…odd.

    2. Zombies die with money on their person. They just don’t realize they have it.

    3. Are you hungry? Hungry like the wolf?

  9. Brady says:

    1. Star Control 2!
    2. He was saving up for a stiptic pencil.
    3. Why do you find cat poo so delectable?

  10. Isaac says:

    1. I still dig on anything from the Quake or Doom line, but my computer craps out on anything higher than Doom II or Quake III. And Quake III pushes the limits. Doom II is my weapon of choice.

    2. Have you seen skeleton fashion this year? White is all the rage. He was saving up for new shoes, but since you killed him after Labor Day, you mucked that all up.

    3. Why do your pizzas taste so good? What do you put in them to make them so– Oh, sorry, WOLF, not Wolfgang. My bad.

  11. Pingback: Dave Ex Machina - A Thousand Points of Articulation » While You Were All Playing on Your X-Cubes and WeeStations