I See a New Game and I Want to Paint it Black

Despite not being interested in about 95% of them, I do try and keep an eye on console games. So when I kept hearing about this ‘Gears of War’ game I decided to check it out. I went to the site for it and was immediately inspired to make a new policy:

If your website insists on resizing my browser, I’m not interested in what’s on it.

Fortunately I was able to satisfy my curiosity elsewhere, and discovered what ‘Gears of War’ is all about.

It’s a third person shooter game where black good guys shoot at black bad guys with black guns in a sort of dark grey landscape.

Do you think I am exaggerating for humorous effect? Is your Hyperbole Detector going off? Then look at these screenshots I grabbed from GameRankings.com:

For all I know there’s clowns and unicorns in there, but they’re all colored black and hiding in the shadows. Do game companies do this simply so they can release the same game over and over and nobody will notice? Or maybe it’s an energy saving scheme, since you don’t have to actually turn on the TV to play the game.

Well, even if I were interested in playing ‘Gears of War’, it’s only available for the XBox 360, since that machine features Microsoft’s patented BlackMagic video process that renders shades of black twelve times faster than competing consoles. Also, it’s the sort of game you’ll want to play on their Live network, so you can thrill to conversations like this:

“Hahah! Headshot suckaz! Oh wait…that was a coatrack. Damn, I can’t see anything!”

“Guys, I’m in a room and I can’t find a door! I keep bumping into what I think is a chair or maybe a mailbox.”

“IF ANYONE TRIPS ON A GUN IT’S MINE I DROPPED IT AND FELT AROUND EVERYWHERE BUT CAN’T FIND IT.”

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5 Responses to I See a New Game and I Want to Paint it Black

  1. Topher says:

    Hah, actually it’s pretty good. On a non-HD television the dark effect is much more pronounced.

  2. Dave says:

    On a non-HD television the dark effect is much more pronounced.

    Wow. I remember when the selling points of consoles vs. PC games was that you didn’t have to upgrade your equipment every two weeks.

  3. Chuck T. says:

    Gah. I remember wrecking my eyes playing the first PS1 Evil Dead game with my eyeballs resting on the screen. Kids today…back in the day we had games that were dark.

    Or maybe I need to turn the color up on the TV. Oops.

  4. Dan says:

    The game isn’t nearly as dark as those pics suggest. Probably the best 360 to date.

  5. Topher says:

    Yeah, GoW is yummy.