I’d Tap That

WARNING! This post talks about PORNOGRAPHY on the INTERNET.

Someone who will remain nameless sent me an image recently, an image that can only be described in two words, two words I and my referrer log are going to regret me typing:

Geek Porn.

The image depicts a young lady in the altogether. Her breasts, however, are obscured by the two objects she’s holding in her hands, which are Magic cards. Specifically, a Mox Pearl and a Mox Jet.

Now, I think this is freakin’ hilarious. Not just that there’s a naked chick holding Magic cards, but that she’s holding ULTRA RARE Magic cards. It wouldn’t be the same if that was a Forest and a Goblin Balloon Brigade.

(For the record, the third card she’s employing is a Howling Mine. HA HA I KID. She’s actually letting her nethers go completely unobscured. It is porn, after all.)

Sadly, my source for this image doesn’t remember the name of the website where he got it, only that it was full of such geek porn. Not just Magic cards, but other geeky stuff. So I can’t provide any other examples. I don’t know if there are any photos of her lying down on a bed reciting the “Dead Parrot” sketch.

I think it’s hilarious, though, how this image so well captures geek culture, so much of which is just straight-up fetishization. Geeks love physical objects. They utterly surround themselves with totems that make their interests manifest. Geeks don’t just love K-9 or G’Kar or Scotty, they have the action figure to prove it. There are more fans of “Law and Order” than there are of “Red Dwarf” but far fewer t-shirts of the former. Taking the actual next step of directly sexualizing the objects of geek lust, of actually replacing breasts with rare Magic cards seems redundant, and therefore funny.

But don’t take my word for it. Click on the link below and you’ll see a bowdlerized version of the picture. I’ve cropped out the naughty bits and given her a bit of privacy across the eyes, so it really isn’t technically porn anymore, but if what I’ve described seems like it’s not something you want to see, don’t click on it.

ONLY MATURE MAGIC WIZARDS ALLOWED

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8 Responses to I’d Tap That

  1. David Thiel says:

    I maintain that the woman is incidental to the photo; it would still be geek porn with just the cards.

  2. That is so hot. “Lava Flow” hot.

  3. Mark Hale says:

    Similar images have made the rounds on video game sites, with various electronics taking the place of cards.

    Or, uh, so I heard.

  4. Anarkey says:

    Is she wearing glasses? I’m not totally sure, but man does that add layers of geek riff if she is.

  5. pronoblem says:

    Possibly worse than geek porn, hipster erotica:

    http://www.hipsterotica.com/

  6. Add glasses and a note that she plays Warcraft, and it’s geekakke for some. Personally, the pic does nothing for me as she looks a bit young, but the notion that someone partook in such is simultaneously disturbing and hilarious.

  7. Brady says:

    I heartily endorse this product and/or service. The Planar Chaos prerelease giveaway will be a pair of Mox Pasties for the ladies, a “Mana Hammock” for the fellas. PS: Does her choice of moxes indicate an Orzhov guild affiliation? Because Orzhov girls are crazy in the sack, I hear.

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