The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Everything

Looks like it’s time to bring this out again:

Once again, it’s time to rise up against the unchecked threat of homosexuality. Faced with abysmal job ratings, scandals exploding all around him, a disastrous war that’s gone out of control, and former supporters chiding him for being too liberal, Bush is doing what he does best: telling people to look out because something’s gonna get ’em!

I have a serious question for any conservatives in the audience.

Aren’t you tired of being afraid?

Seriously, guys, let’s think about this. Terrorists. Gay people. Saddam Hussein. Liberals. Islamofascists. The Media. Osama bin Ladin. Immigrants. Feminazis. Child Pornographers. Secularists. Hollywood. Hillary Clinton. University Professors. Is there anyone who isn’t out to get you?

You’re a funny bunch. You like to talk about “Chicken Little” and “tinfoil hats” but every person in the world who isn’t exactly like you is marshalling forces to destroy your sacred way of life. You’re supposedly brave and steadfast and have the strength of ten because your heart is pure, and yet you’re constantly looking over your shoulder because you thought you heard a noise. You supposedly distrust the government and yet every time they say “jump” you say “at what shadow?”

Ever since 9/11 this administration has done nothing but tell you to be afraid of something or other. Sometimes several things at once. In fact, they even made a handy color-coded chart to tell you how scared you’re supposed to be, and it’s never been below “pretty scared.” Every grab for power they’ve done, every civil right they’ve walked on, every line of the Constitution they’ve crossed out has been in the name of protecting you from the things that go bump in the night.

Aren’t you tired of it? Haven’t you had enough? In your everyday life, wouldn’t you be just a little bit suspicious of someone who kept telling you, “Trust me, it’s for your own protection.”?

Aren’t you ready to be treated like a grown-up?

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4 Responses to The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Everything

  1. Jeff says:

    Yesterday NPR played a clip of a Bush speech where he voiced his support for the ban. I don’t know if I’ll get the exact wording right, but it was very close to “this will strengthen the institution of marriage and protect our children.” (Of course you’ll just have to imagine the stuttering and tentativeness of someone who isn’t sure he’s using the words right.”) I’m now worried that Nora’s first words will be, “Jesus Christ!”

  2. Charlie says:

    The funny thing about the whole marriage issue is that most of us don’t give a flying rip about being married. Its about being able to have the same benefits as married people…ya know, insurance, taxes, property succession when someone dies and all those other assundry things. Have a house you’ve been paying for the last 15 years and when your partner dies his family might wind up with it thanks to the court system (and yes I’ve seen it happen). Its about being protected not about screwing up the conservative definitions of what life is about.

    As for protecting your children…yeah right. Had a colleague the other day that said he needed to figure out how to make a man out of his little boy. Take him hunting, play ball etc etc. I looked at him and reminded him that I played ball, hunted, took karate and did all the other things guys do. The look on his face was priceless. Yeah be afraid of us least we “corrupt” your “moral values”.

  3. pronoblem says:

    It is never too early to start teaching fear and “family values”:

  4. Grant says:

    Conservatism only exists in opposition to something else. Without modern life to rail against, conservatism would wither away and become as useless as modern liberalism. That conservatives can maintain their underdog mentality at the height of their power is truly a testament to their thick-headed-ness.