Haus Improvements

I haven’t said much about Der Krakhaus across the street lately, have I? Oh, I’ve got a little bit of news on that front. First, let me give you an idea of how things are located, using this satellite image:

That shows you where the ‘haus is in relation to ours. Now, what was the last thing I told you about? Did I tell you about when the cops were called because allegedly someone broke into the house and pistol-whipped someone living there? I don’t know. Don’t be alarmed; nobody believes that story anyway. God only knows what actually happened that night.

A few weeks later, I awoke to about eight state troopers in the street. Turns out they were hauling two people out of the house (neither of them the owner) on warrants, one of which was for Assault with a Deadly Weapon.

After that, things got quiet. Oh sure, there’s still the trash pile in back (people and presumably food go into the house, but no trash ever seems to leave it. I shudder at the thought of what it looks like on the inside) and cars still constantly come, go, slam their doors, blow their horns, and rev their engines at all hours, but nothing requiring police intervention was happening. Looks like Joe (the owner) has a new girlfriend, who I call “Pinky LaRue” because she’s always wearing pink. For a while she had a little dog she was carrying around as well, which I guess made her feel like the Paris Hilton of crackhouses.

The other evening someone was trying to drive the car away after some snow and ice we’d received. Rather than dig the car out, they decided that revving the engine over and over would do the trick, and so we were treated to that for the next half hour or so.

But last night, around 11:00 I heard sounds of…well…carpentry. Lots and lots of banging. I looked out the window and saw that the porch light was on and someone was out in front of the house doing something, but I couldn’t quite figure out what. Eventually the project ended and they retreated inside.

This morning I discovered what they were up to. They were laying carpet. On the front walk. Over the snow. Instead of shovelling it:

Here’s another view of their workmanship:

I’d heard from Billy that they’d ripped out all the carpet in the house; looks like they put some of it to good use! And since carpet is generally quite water and weather-resistant, that’s sure to look just as sharp in a month as it looks now!

Looks like it’s time for another phone call to Code Enforcement! I’m practically on a first-name basis with those folks.


(11:50:48) DemPrinLillith: omg! they ripped up carpet from inside the house to lay it on top of the snow?

(11:50:50) DemPrinLillith: wtf morons!

(11:51:23) Beebomancer: well they had ripped it up already for NO reason. putting it on the snow was apparently a Plan B that we were too short-sighted to grasp

(11:51:46) DemPrinLillith: omg

(11:51:53) DemPrinLillith: so what was the noise if they’d already ripped it up?

(11:52:19) Beebomancer: yeah I have no idea why laying carpet on snow required hammering. later I may take beebo for a walk and inspect the handiwork closer

(11:53:23) DemPrinLillith: what are they thinking?

(11:53:35) DemPrinLillith: it had to be more work to lay that out there than it was worth

(11:53:36) Beebomancer: they are probably thinking “MMMM CRACK”

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4 Responses to Haus Improvements

  1. Lanf says:

    Yeah, that carpet is going to be terribly useful…until the next time it snows. Dave, didn’t you think you’d escaped idiot neighbors when you left Illinois?

  2. Dave says:

    Now be fair, Lanf. Our neighbors in Illinois weren’t idiots, they were crazy. In the head.

  3. TJ says:

    I’ll bet they’re setting up for a fashion show.

  4. Blasterhappy says:

    Maybe they are going for a more urban look inside like ass-fault floors (crachous lingo) to go with the lingering smoke cloud from the crack-pipes and other “tools of the head”.