My mom died in 2001 from Alzheimer’s Syndrome. Today would not have been her birthday or the anniversary of her death, but is my parents’ wedding anniversary.
The other night while playing a game, I made a comment to Becky that was a Barbara-ism, and that’s what inspired this post. My mom grew up in rural Louisiana and came away with a ton of colorful sayings that we still use to this day. Although I know what they all mean — that is, in what context they’re used — there are many that I don’t understand at all. Here are some of them:
“I’ll tell him how the cow ate the cabbage!” — this is the one that inspired this list. It’s the equivalent of “I’ll give him what for!” or “I’ll tell him a thing or two!” Once I asked her about this..specifically, how did the cow eat the cabbage? Her response was, “Ate it right up!” and I guess that answers that.
“Come on, Christmas!” — is said when behind someone moving too slow. This one’s pretty obvious. Someone moving too slow also maybe be guilty of…
“Moving like they got dead lice falling off of them.” — Another one I’m just not sure about here. Thankfully I’ve not too much experience with lice, dead or otherwise, so I don’t know the relationship between their vitality and the speed of motion of whatever they happen to be on (or falling off of.)
“You just hide and watch me!” — I love this one. The context for this would be, “I’m gonna eat the last cupcake!” “You better not!” “You just hide and watch me!”
“I will kill him and tell God he died!” — another favorite, obviously a threat. I love the mental image here, of God asking what happened to the guy and Mom telling Him that he died.
“And I do not mean perhaps!” — I use this one a lot. Whatever it is you’re talking about, it’s a certainty.
“She’s so stupid, she couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel.” — Another one with a great mental image.
“Cricket pee” — is how she described weak coffee she didn’t like.
and finally, there’s the ever-popular “Shit fire and save matches.” An all-purpose epithet.
Those are the ones I mainly remember. She was a unique woman, no doubt.