Catan! The Musical

With the curtain closed, the ORANGE SETTLER, WHITE SETTLER, BLACK SETTLER, and PURPLE SETTLER walk onstage. All gaze in wonder as the curtain opens, revealing a backdrop displaying the wonders of their new land. They gasp in amazement and then turn towards the audience as they perform the opening number, “In Catan!”:

ALL:
We have come to a fair new land!
It is here we will make our stand!
We will farm and we’ll mine and we’ll chop and we’ll build!
We will work till our destiny is fulfilled!
In Catan!

We shall settle on this great isle!
We will colonize every tile!
This pristine land we’ll transform into
Settlements, roads, and cities too!
In Catan!

ORANGE SETTLER:
I have found just the spot to construct
My starting road and my starting hut!
There is grain, there is mud, there is also ore
(Though I won’t get that ’till I roll a four)
It’s a place unbelievably nice,
In this luck-filled paradise!

BLACK SETTLER:
This field is a great spot to keep
My enormous herd of sheep!
And it’s next to a port which is also good,
I can turn three lambs into a pile of wood!
How they do that I don’t know,
But here’s where my city shall go!

ALL:
Yes, this land is unspoiled and pure,
A condition we’ll soon have to cure!
We’ll grab saws and plows and hammers and then
We’ll make this Eden fit for men!
In Catan!

PURPLE SETTLER:
Tiny hamlets for some are fine
But a metropolis will be mine!
I want a tower, a temple, and court as sights,
But I only can seem to get these Knights.
So even if my city is bland,
At least my army is grand!

WHITE SETTLER:
If we all worked together, it’s true
There is probably more we could do
But instead I will plot, scheme, and who knows,
Maybe send out a robber to plague my foes!
All the hijinks will be great fun,
And competition helps everyone!

ALL:
It’s a long road ahead, we can see!

PURPLE SETTLER:
But a long road is fine with me!

ORANGE SETTLER:
We will build,

BLACK SETTLER:
We will farm,

WHITE SETTLER:
We will plot and scheme,

ALL:
And we’ll all live out the Catanian dream!
You’ve put a hex on me,
Catan, my fair coun-try!

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4 Responses to Catan! The Musical

  1. Lanf says:

    Hehehe. Now I must someday play Settlers, if just to sing a few bars.

  2. Christopher Davis says:

    Clearly, the next musical should be Puerto Rico.

  3. CounterProductive says:

    Encore! Encore! Bravo, Sr. Catonalones!

    But you forgot the comic element. Create a bridge between the verse and chorus at least twice where a Green Settler darts out from behind the curtain and sings loudly while the orchestra muddles it’s music: “And *I’ve* got Wood for Sheep!!” Hilarity ensues.

    Musicals have been created on far lesser things.

    Nice.